All day today I've been saying to myself, "I've lost my passion", "I've lost my imagination", "Damn I really feel depressed." Then just a minute or two ago I thought maybe I'll post something here, spread the depression and misery around. Oh, lucky you. Then it crossed my mind that I seem to do that a lot here, and remembered having similar thoughts and posting similar boring depressing thoughts about monitoring my bio-rhythm. So I searched my blog post for "bio-rhythm". Sure enough there are four post where I specifically talk about bio-rhythm and wondering what if I have a pattern or cycle.
Well, I'll be damn if I don't have what seems to be a cycle. Of the four post three are about feeling low, unmotivated, no passion, depressed, etc...two are early August time period and one in April, each from different years. So assuming that I've actually posted, or at least mentioned the words "bio-rhythm" in all my up or down mood post I seem to be on some annual super cycle. I looked up depressed also and there are a lot of post where that is mentioned. I guess I'm just not happy very much anymore.
I really don't know what I'm talking about, and becoming more disenchanted with every word. How the hell can I continue to cycle so low like this for so many years? Is this normal? Or do I really need to seek help or break my pattern and just do something else. Am I on the fast track to suicide?
Will I ever be the envy of anyone? I seem to come across people that I do envy. Mostly those free spirits that are doing their own thing because that is what they want to do, not because they have to do, like a homeless person. Speaking of homeless people I rode Greyhound the other day. It was a fine ride, not bad experience but the worse part of it is waiting at the station. Both stations, start and end, are located smack dab in the middle of a city. Each with its own population of hovering, down trodden people who make it their business to bother you. It is just plain uncomfortable and highly irritating. Yea, the average, or majority of Greyhound patrons are pretty sketchy, at least from my perspective, and sitting around the station waiting to board seems a bit dicey and quickly made me realize I am so suburban. My city antenna are rusty and in need of a tune up.
Well thanks for reading. Sorry for the lack of sketches or drawings. I'll get back to that soon. If I can ever regain my imagination.